Thought it best to get to Heathrow early on account of my beloved parents checking us into the swanky lounge pre flight as a treat (love you mama and papa T!)… So arrived 5hrs early to make the most #allofthegin #freeflavouristhebestflavour

Prepped for a full on charm offensive at check in, go get that upgrade guuuuuurl. Weighed up the usual suspects:

1) Older lady at desk 1, clearly an experienced veteran but a 50/50…could be hideous stern matron could be friendly loveable, nanny type. Risky…

2) Next was the work experience kid complete with comb over and accompanying supervisor, no thanks.

But last, was Sergio. Super smiley charming Italian stallion and our best bet. Got lucky and called forward. Immediately apparent we’d had a shocker, when despite his gushing flirting over our “beautiful passport photos” (#wewilltakeit #available #tellyoursinglefriends!) casually dropped in he was on his second warning for lateness (despite it being his 4th week with BA…) after being 2hrs late for his shift this morning..bloody hell Serg mate, you’re of no use to us with your zero jurisdiction to upgrade us to first class!!!! #wasteoftime

Ate our body weight in cheese, full blown dinner and gin through an IV at the lounge to drown our economy seat sorrows and prep for 11hrs in the sky.

Flight surprisingly fine, touch and go at the gate after I nearly committed a murder…woman next to us coughed almost constantly for 20 minutes. Oh so British lengthly glares and tutting not even enough by the end. Her husband looked at me forlorn as if to say it was too late for him but save ourselves.

Had 3 seats between 2 of us so was a result. Tried to sleep upright with varying success mainly thabks to actual ARSEHOLE woman who opened her blind and kept the entire back of the plane awake. Just went over to her and told her to close it like a head teacher at the back of a school bus trip in the end! Never ceases to amaze how unobservant some people are when 30 sets of eyes are burning into the back of your stupid fat, pippy longstocking head!!!! Wasnt even a good look for the 80s cartoon love….

Stark reminder that the very worst thing about flying is literally other people!!!! Ridonk!!!!

Misjudged the time left to landing and started high octane, Liam Neeson train thriller ‘The Commuter’ only to see 1hr 35 mins, get to the point where he LITERALLY says the line “tell me what you know” (all about to be revealed, who is the culprit, will they survive? Will he be a free man or a murderer) only to have the captain come over the tannoy and announce we had landed!!!! Well pissed off….still at least I’ve only gotta wait 6 and a HALF weeks to see the bloody end on the next BA flight!!!! Bastards!

Left the airport In no time, but took 3 HOURS to get the 2 miles to the hotel. 45 mins to get out the sodding car park!! Made it to the hotel which is lovely, and most importantly right in the middle of a 7Eleven, Subway and a Maccyds the holy traveller trinity if you will. You know for when we get bored of chicken foot…which I’ve got a sneaky suspicion is going to be early on!

Ventured further afield for local delicacy dinner….unfortunately this place was closed:

Gutted. Will keep looking…xx