Hopped over from Busan for a few days to take in the sights of Jeju island. Famed for its orange groves, scenic waterfalls, and mountain peaks, it’s affectionately termed by locals as the Hawaii of Korea. Sign me up!

This was a very welcome chunk of time to relax in addition to the wind down of Busan, and I had booked a wellness retreat in the UNESCO heritage forest of Mount Hallasan for 5 days.

Day 1 was a bit of a jumble as before immersing myself in full time middle of nowhere life, I decided to see some of the island. A quick check-in before heading back to town to see the sights of Seigwipo on the south coast.

I stopped by the famous Jeonjung  waterfall, the only waterfall in Korea that flows straight into the the ocean, and got some top tips from friendly locals, who helped plan me an itinerary of things to see here, beautiful beaches and vista-views-a-plenty for the next few days.

Next stop was drinks with a hot Aussie date i’d met in Haeundae, who was only on the island for the day. So we headed for delicious cocktails at an excellent speakeasy jazz bar he’d chosen downtown. We google translated with the adoreable bartender who made us excellent surprise signature sips and plied us with left field bar snacks (including a cup full of fruitloops?! Sure)

Talked about travel adventures so far, life stories, and how much we both loved Bill & Ted before we met some other travellers amidst the Jeju nightlife. The advertised wednesday bar crawl through town fell flat, so a handful of us opted for drinks outside the alleys and avenues under the bright lights of the city – and Soju was on the menu. Soju is a delicious but deadly Korean spirit that everyone drinks everywhere here. Yet to try it, our newly acquired, loveable Anglo-Turkish companions aided our initiation, and we toasted good times and the joy of travels. Soon, we were several bottles deep before realising it was 22% proof…eeshk!

It was so nice to dress up for a date after too long and a great way to let my hair down, and see in day 1 here in Jeju. Safe travels back to Cairns, D, thanks for being 6ft something of painfully handsome, rather perfect company.

Day 2 was for ultimate chill, and the hotel itself was beautiful, and a tranquil paradise escape from the hustle and bustle of the cities that had come before. A great chance to recharge after a really action-packed and adventurous trip.

Touted as a premium retreat that plants wellness at the centre of it’s ethos, I could choose from a line up of activities to boost my mood, calm my shakras and balance my mind over the next few days.

I opted first for an afternoon spent with Crystal singing bowls, more commonly known as a sound bath. Entering into a calming, peaceful space, with a giant coloured orb at the centre, which changed hues to the dreamy zen like soundtrack that trickled in. Lying on the floor with your head on a soft pillow, eyes closed whilst the therapist played calming sound bowl notes, like gentle gongs guiding you to another relaxing realm. Bloody marvellous and a great way to wind down. Some chill time by the pool after, before ordering a room service cheeseburger and bed. Life is about balance innit.

The pool was beautiful, a sprawling complex of jacuzzis and saunas of varying temperatures, a giant outdoor pool with outside hot tubs bursting with bubbles and a calming waterfall, for soothing poolside sounds. Bliss.

The lounge, lobby, and cosy on-site bar came complete with its own concert pianist who played 2 sessions every evening, and you could watch the sunset over the mountainous valley and listen to the ivory accompaniment.

With wellness comes ‘work done’ here in Korea and the stranger side of the resort of dreams was a full health complex on site, complete with medicinal wing for complex cosmetic procedures and an array of high end consultants on hand for all your injectable and tightening needs.

On my arrival day wandering, it felt very strange to see “operating rooms 3 and 4” siddled between spa treatment setups. It would be an utterly blissful place for recovery if you were post-op, but really bizarre and a little sinister all the same.

Entering the spa was a bit like a portal to another dimension. I couldn’t shake the feeling there was a weird underbelly to it all with very smiley staff giving robotic vibes at every turn.

I booked in for a facial massage treatment, which, on the whole, was an absolute dream. Top of the range cryoluxe equipment, massaging my face with an infused tool at precisely -3⁰, before layer upon layer of top secret Korean skin care. I was left under a red light laser for 10 minutes whilst the lotions and potions did their magic before things took a turn for the weird. My lovely therapist came back in, placed gause over my eyes face and mouth, with my nose left exposed to breathe before uttering, “and now for the modelling clay, very cold.” Proceeding to douse my face in a thick, gloopy latex like mask substance, which cooled my skin and smelt incredible. I was left for 10 minutes to “bake” before she came back and carefully removed the imprint in one whole piece?! I can only assume the facial cast will be kept to model the clone army they are building in the basement…so if 20,000 AI infused robots that look exactly like me soon invade a city near you, I can only apologise. Equally, if a scale model of me is on the market on the darkweb, good luck with your sales.

After my Mrs Doubtfire esque makeover transformation, I did feel a whole new woman and me and my 10 years younger visage headed back for some poolside chill time before hydration flotation therapy at 4pm.

The pool is a strange anomaly in Korea. The majority of people I’ve seen here are unable to swim, so they are laden with arm bands and all wear full blown day to day attire in the pool. I find it so strange that a culture who insists on entirely naked public spas dress so wildly conservatively when off for a swim?! Butt naked, you can have been anywhere and arrive at a spa and dunk in post shower, but chlorinated steralised water requires all but a 3 piece suit. Long sleeves, black UV protectant trousers, swim shoes! The whole shebang.

Swimming caps are also compulsory. You can (and must!) purchase on site to be able to use the pool, and they’re skin tight, fabric, and only come in white. Let’s face it, swimming caps only really a good look if you’re Ian Thorpe or Tom Daley…I was giving more when you”re swimming at 12 but taking part in a conclave at 3!!! Luckily, there is no photography in the pool, so you’ll have to imagine said sexy look. Halle berry emerging from the sea it ain’t!!!

Flotation tank therapy was weird but transformative in a good way. I was walked into a big underground cave type room with a large round pool full of medicinally infused water, at precisely human body temperature, and told to lie flat and let the minerals take the weight. My head rested on a cosy floating pillow to keep my eyes and nose above the surface, but ears submerged just below, so you could hear the sounds of Chopin playing below the water. The therapist slowly moved me round the pool whilst playing a gong near each limb, presumably the rid me of goodness knows and transport me to somewhere similar! 40 minutes felt like 5 hours, and I could feel most of the bones in my body relaxing. Really was a lovely way to spend any afternoon and quietly thought they may just make a wellness convert of this professional cynic, yet.

Sunrise forest meditation walk the next day was fully in Korean, so I had no idea what was going on. I  just followed the crowd, nodded, and smiled whilst taking in the fresh air. The resort was shrouded in beautiful Halla rosebay pink flowers and doused by the smell of camelias at every turn, which almost made me forget the stupid o’clock alarm to partake! We did some chilling by the carp pond and captured glinting glimpses of Mount Hallasan (Korea’s highest volcan peak) as the sun showed up to start the day. Worth it for sure.

Making the most of the sunshine, ahead of some upcoming cloud and rain, I decided to chase a few more of Jeju’s famous waterfalls and, this time, headed to Cheonjiyeon Falls for a wander.

A beautiful sprawling complex of 3 sets of falls, scaled up in majesty as you go, spilling into the crystal clear blue pools below. I crossed over the Seonim bridge and took a stroll past the fountain of peace and temple all before lunch. Amazing what you can achieve when you start your day before the sun!

My walk ended not far from the famed Teddy Bear Museum, which Rach had recommended as a weird and wonderful side quest. So I stopped by on my way to the beach. Overaching verdict – absolutely insane!! I loved it. Very Southeast asian and very sweet.

The birth of the teddy bear stemmed from a November 1902 story of Theodore Roosevelt refusing to shoot a captive bear following an unsuccessful wild hunt in Mississipi. After ordering it be released back into the wild, the story was serialised in newspapers by cartoonists, and soon, bears were made adopting the nickname Teddy after Roosevelt. German makers Steiff led the charge, with lots of the museums’ sweetest preserved artefacts dating back to the early 1900s.

I expected the museum’s history floor to cover more of the story behind teddys, so wasn’t prepared instead for lots of hilarious and completely unnecessary recreations of historical scenes with bears as the stars?! Including this bizarre one of the Normandy landings and another of the sinking of the Titanic…..What says poignant historical tragedy depicting the harrowing deaths of tens of thousands better than a remake with stuffed bears…?!

The cafe was also delightfully mental. It had company for solo diners (which we all know they hate intensely here in South Korea) just so you didn’t look like the lonely loser you are…. in the form of giant bears to sit at the table with you.

I mean, he wasn’t much of a conversationalist, but what can you do, eh?

Piece de resistance? A full, completely inexplicable Elvis show performed by stuffed bears… every 15 minutes on loop?! Nope, no idea, either. Delightful asian madness at its finest.

Took a Naver maps endorsed scenic shortcut to beach, which whilst peaceful and lovely couldn’t hugely enjoy on account of needing to concentrate on not contracting malaria*. If you could build a mosquito village it would be this cut through….standing water check, long grass check, deliciously pale and British juicy piece of ass walking past…check (at least the mosquitos seem to think so anyway!) Only this evening will truly tell if I managed it, but let us pray.

*Other diseases such as Dengue fever and Japanese encephalitis also available…

I’ve wholeheartedly intensified my strange affinity with the ocean on this trip. It was so lovely to walk along the shore listening to sounds of the waves crash, see toddlers dipping their toes for the first time, couples holding hands and watching the water wash away the sandy steps of the past.

I thought a lot about why I came here and what comes next once i’m home. But I feel ready to walk a happier, brighter path where possible, having left a lot of the weight of what was, behind. Sure, it’s easier to do that here than Brighton where you’re wading through washed-up dead cats and plasters, but you get me….

Sandy pockets jingling with shells a plenty…singing the sound of the sea…I headed upto The Cliff bar, to toast a very special Cliff (Wooster) with a wholly ludicrous drink (I think he’d have approved girls). I watched the surfers out to sea and sounds of Sade remixes from the outdoor dj on the terrace. Aint it the life….

Really embraced the final day of rest as is properly needed and sat by the pool in my factor 50. English rose life is no match for the savage sun here in Jeju, so my New Balance dad cap and I were seeking shade where possible.

Had a swim, sat in the jacuzzi, in the cold plunge, in the sauna, skin on fire so deffo burnt, back in the cold plunge, repeat. Read some of my Kindle and really wound down. Final ‘sound bath’ session to embrace the last of the Zen and packed my case ready for an early start and back to Seoul for the final week tomorrow.

Madness how much this time has flown and not sure how we’ve got to June when it was April when I last blinked!?! I’m hoping my chill fest isn’t too churned up by the mania of the capital come tomorrow. Last leg it is then….!