5am alarm a bit of a shocker, but in keeping with jet lag body clock somewhat so managed to make the tour bus pick-up unscathed.

Boarded the bus for a full-on day of being my best Bilbo and saw the sunrise on the drive down.

The group was a bit dry and not mega chatty so obviously I was their worst nightmare at 6am. Read the room and kept self to self for most part but nice to be around a crew for something like today all the same.

That was, of course, except for Paul… who chose to sit next to me….!

Paul was a holistic sports therapist and chinese medicine expert transitioning to be a horse physio (…of course you are?!?) But currently on tour as a private therapy specialist with a mysterious musician that was talked around excessively but never outright. Between the shady lines, i’m guessing Dua Lipa, as I’m not sure who else has a 53 date European tour coming up, has been in Nz and is wanky enough to need a chinese medicinal specilaist on hand at all times….(though the level of discretion you’dve thought it was Cher or someone actually good). Gunna be a long drive….

Jamie our tour guide was the sweetest guy. Scripted facts made a few repeat appearances thanks to 6hrs driving across the day – “not many people know you can learn to drive on a farm aged 12″…yeah we do though Jamie love cos you told us an hour ago. I was up at 5 though, so lord knows when he started his day, so he’s forgiven.

Arrived at a sun-drenched Hobbiton around 9am and after a scooch around Shires Rest cafe boarded our big green 9.20 tour bus to head into the “village”.

The big bus is where I met the highest concentration of neurodiverse men in one place at one time (short only of my online dating DMs of course!) Many of whom had purchased Legolas ears to wear from the gift shop, god bless their wholesome, enthusiast hearts. One guy had also bought his one ring to rule them all and wanted my help with an array of scenic pics along route. I lovingly obliged whilst he looked terrified at the prospect of being close to a woman. Actual hand shaking, passing me his phone. Nice to know I still have the ability to strike fear into the heart of a grown man buried in there somewhere…(never know when it might be useful)…An enlightening day was had all round!

He also gave me extensive tips about where (fictional dragon) Smaug lived and other cos-play location tours you can do across New Zealand- nodded and smiled and feigned interest all the while thinking – I’m absolutely not gunna go babe but thanks, you’re one of life’s good humans. 

The recently opened Hobbit Hole experience was a lovely little bonus, however, with the opportunity to actually go inside a hobbit home and explore. Really immersive and I was transported straight back to that particularly boring December day amidst the “Christmas gooch” period (when you’re 90% cheese and time and dates are just a forgotten concept) where I completed the marathon of all 3 films in one sitting. 9hrs 27 mins of life I’m sure i could’ve used more wisely in hindsight…but it was that or Mrs Browns Boys special, so needs must!

Sat by the fire in Bilbos chair, took comedy snaps at the dinner table, and like any South londoner, I looked for sneaky “souvenirs” that weren’t glued down…

Our guide was really hard to understand (not an excellent trait when your literal job is to describe and explain events of the day to 30+ people) but shared some good facts about the films and how Peter Jackson lovingly ruled with an iron fist across the set. All elements from sprawling landscape scenes to artificial leaves on artificial trees needing expert and personal scrutiny before being committed to reel. You can see why they’re so proud of the body of work and him as their chief directorial export (along with Taika Waititi who is obviously 2nd place favourite after his truly appalling decision to marry Rita Ora in 2022)

I got asked by guide if “you could just act out this famous scene and be Bilbo please” – cue me running like a loon out the Shire quoting “I’m going on an adventure” – Paul recorded the whole thing unsolicited. (Coming to a LOTR only fans near you…)

Otherwise, the tour was ace and culminated at the Green Dragon Inn for a cold one. I tried the exclusive black hobbit stout…lads lads lads “Split the G” like a total legend etc (some commentary embellished for the blog) and we recouped at the bus to share views on a great morning.

There’s a new epic coming next year, which will be following the rise of Sméagol and his alter ego Gollum, so expect Hobbiton to go from strength to strength if they know what’s good for them.

It really was a blissful picture-perfect day of brilliant sunshine after the dramas of the storms of the last few days. A real highlight of Auckland so far, and no doubt this leg of the journey for sure.

Shame the same can’t be said hugely for part two, Waitomo Gloworm Caves, which paled in comparison to the mornings epic adventure. Lovely to learn some Maori traditional history, but the caves themselves are a little underwhelming. The rule of “it’s culturally not allowed to take photos inside only at the cave entrance”, felt a bit like a spin to ensure actual scenes don’t contest their very slick and very over exposed marketing images which show the roof majestically alight with glow worms. I’d more accurately describe it as an a bit of a budget Santa’s Grotto, ala Bromley shopping centre, but a fun bonus to the day, which was all about hobbits anyway.

Only a couple of days left of Auckland exploring before I venture down south, looking forward to the next few days of fun.

Til soon x