The weather at SunWorld took a savage turn for the worst as the day continued and despite Liz and I being in favour of finding the Bavarian beer tent and cashing in our free beer tokens before heading down, the group decided to head on to see the “Big Buddah”. Having spent almost 3 weeks in Asia we’ve seen enough Big Buddahs (#notaeuphamismactualBuddahs) to last us a lifetime! So we were anticipating a fibre glass replica which had been there for less than a month to look distinctly average in the rain….

However, we never actually got to see it on account of of me slipping and falling and hideously snapping my leg in 3 places on the way!!!!

True actual words spoken.

I full on broke my leg!! In 3 places.

Up a mountain.

The uneven terrain, pouring rain and steep incline #canyousayhealthandsafety meant I slipped, slid and after an excruciating CRUNCH (the sound of which I will never forget for as long as I live!!!) – poof – my holiday was officially over!

Amidst the unimaginable pain and the crying in a heap on the floor (also excessive swearing the likes of which Ozzy Osbourne with tourettes would take his hat off to!) I could feel the overwhelming disaster creeping in over everything. After the shitty end to the year I’ve had, and the fact that I so desperately needed a holiday, and to catch a bloody break after many more months of life trapped in Bridget Jones Paradise (!) I was devastated. As a planner, this is absolutely something i do everything I can to mitigate against, but unfortunately just a freak accident so out of my control I was helpless!

Unfortunately the crunch was just the beginning of the next 3 days of disaster, farce and absolute agony for me and beloved Liz who I could not have survived without.

I am so lucky to say I can count on 1 hand the amount of times I have really needed to rely on the love and support of friends and on all of those terrible occasions….she has honestly always been there. To hold my hand, to tell me it will be ok, to keep me calm and to make me feel that whatever happens next, we are a team and I’m not alone. I still don’t know how I will thank her for that day or the pile of shit events that followed but if there was any glimmer of positivity to come out of that moment, she was it.

At times when the chips are down you really realise who your real friends are. The ones who stick around rain or shine, the ones who selflessly sacrifice to support you and the ones who never let you down. If I’ve learned anything getting old (#nearly30 #vom) it’s that you may only be lucky enough in life to find 1 or 2 of these people who truly know how to put themselves to the side to help others and who care for and about you no matter what.

Not only is Liz one of those people, she did it with grace, selflessness and without even flinching. I think I’ll always be in awe of her that day and not only how brave she was, how practical, and pragmatic, but how some superhero gene kicked in almost instantly and despite being 1500m up the side of a mountain, 6,000 miles from home, and staring extensive surgery and months or recovery in the face, I knew that because she was there, everything would be alright.

I knew before I went away there are few people I could stomach on a holiday for more than a week and after Ibiza, I was so sure we had this traveller thing down!! Clearly forgot I am still painfully clumsy and fall over no less than 3 time a a week (absolute minimum!!!!) My friends barely even bother to help me up anymore it’s so frequent…but even I’ve never managed to break an actual LIMB, in my entire 29 career as a walking liability! How the bloody hell was i going to get home!!??!!

The days that followed couldn’t have been any more farcical if we’d have been filming a Fawlty Towers remake in Vietnam!!!! Main lesson learned from all of this (though pretty sure one we knew before) do NOT get sick in Vietnam!!!

An absolute comedy of errors attempt to get me down the fuck off massive mountain ensued. Picture the scene, best part of 2 hours, pouring rain, leg flapping all over the shop and 3 skinny Vietnamese men trying to carry me IN a wheelchair DOWN an escalator…..and onto a shitting cable car (last of Liz’s worries by this point!!!) for a not so scenic glide, more shrieking, agonising, trundle back to sea level so only then could we begin the 70 minute journey to the nearest hospital.

Arrived after what felt like an eternity at the worst A&E I had ever seen. Stretchers full of what looked like extras from The Exorcist – people writhing in pain, some vomiting, others screaming and convulsing at doctors. No curtains for dignity or modesty, instead a 4 inch gap between you and the next patient so close you could hold their hand……..or catch their SARS disease! It was like a war hospital. Flies everywhere. No consideration for safety or privacy and unsurprisingly a giant language barrier.

I take back what I said in Hong Kong about the scariest thing in life being getting your head or hand caught in something or the sound of a fire alarm in a foreign language and replace both with “a Vietnamese A&E doctor handing you mystery drugs and wheeling you to an unknown location for unknown treatment.

After what felt like hours, the X-Ray verdict confirmed what we already knew, 1 very broken leg and one very broken English statement amounting to “you need surgical plates and pins to fix this”. I was then given the easiest choice of the day “do you want the surgery here now, or wait til home” I had to make some difficult phone calls to Mama & Papa T to calmly and cooly explain, whilst looking at my wobbly leg, that “Erm..well there’s nothing to worry about…but, erm…ive had a slight mishap in Vietnam”! Nightmare.

Refusing surgery means you are unceremoniously wheeled into a corridor and left to make your own way back to wherever you came from. No plaster cast, no bandage, so assistance, instead I was left with a flimsy Velcro strap literally keeping the bones together and the biggest joke of all:

prescribed 1 paracetamol 3x a day for the pain….

I take more for a headache!!!! I’d take more in ANTICIPATION of a headache…it was literally horrendous!

We somehow made it back over an hour and a half to the hotel in Hoi An with a pair of comedy crutches purchased in cash from a questionable pharmacy next door to A&E, the likes of which haven’t been seen since Tiny Tim Cratchet hobbled his way to Church past Mr Scrooge and began the mammoth task of operation: “Get me back to the UK” !

Unbelievably shoutout to Marks & Spencer’s Travel Insurance (#notanAd #shouldbeanAd) for their blinding efforts to secure me a flight, albeit the soonest out of there in 2 and a half days time.

Interim comedy included the insurance company arranging for me to be visited at the hotel by a dead ringer for Dr Nick from the Simpsons but Vietnamese, who let himself into our hotel room without knocking and came at us brandishing a huge comedy syringe and screaming “bloods for plane”…#terrifying #worstdayever. We finally managed to understand it was something to prevent clots before the long haul 13hr flight on Sunday (I’d only just forgotten about that!!!) and he thrust it into my stomach with all the grace of a hippo doing ballet.

All jokes assides the pain was so horrific I couldn’t see. Liz was having to grab my hand and distract me any which way she could, doing her best “accents from around the world” impressions to raise a tiny smile amidst what was basically just hours of me sobbing my heart out, passing out or having delirious sceeaming episodes. It was honestly 3 days of absolute torture, no sleep (for either of us, she watched me like a hawk all night!!!) and glamorous scenarios like being flannel washed in bed and Liz lifting me onto the toilet seat!!!!

We became closer than friends maybe anyone should be over those 3 awful days!!! I dont think our plan for our trip of a lifetime ever included a friend having to use the phrase “do you need me to help you wipe after after your wee, Em” that is actual true love right there!!!! #friendgoals #oneinamillion

Very important to say I would also have not been able to make it home without another very special friend…a HUGE shout out to sumpremely talented Dr Toby Visholm for expert, clearly explained and phenomenal orthopaedic advice from 6000 miles away. On hand not only to reassure me, support me and review my x rays (!) but most importantly advise me as to alternative medication I should be seeking to survive a 13hr plane journey with a broken leg!!!

I have honestly never felt so lucky to have such wonderful (coincidently orthopaedic surgeon!) friends! Tibbs you’re one of a kind mate and I am so so grateful for all your help in Nam and since I’ve been home. Not all heroes wear capes guys…some wear red chinos and tweed! Love you Dr Vis! #hero #friendshipgoals #beardyDrsarethebestkind

Survived the flight back to Blighty thanks to Liz scouring several hundred pharmacies across Ho Chi Minh city with a photo of a box of medication and a prayer that they would sell controlled medication over the counter. God bless Vietnam’s completely laxed prescription process #opiodsfordays #praisebuddah. Emergency pharmacist / paramedic just another string to to Liz’s beautiful (and very well equipped) bow!!!

In short, pedometer steps on hold for a while….as is the blog until I guess I have some inciteful lols to share about ankle plates and hospital wards in the UK!!!

For those worried about my intreprid companion, I of course refused to let Liz come with me (despite her offering every 30 seconds) as she now needs to go and smash the travels for both of us. It’s her trip of a lifetime that I was just crashing the start of anyway, so onwards and upwards to the next few months of adventure beautiful lady.

But a word of warning to anyone who thought that she couldn’t do this or that inexperienced travellers find it tough, you single handedly proved everyone wrong! You’re strong and brave and tough Liz, and don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You’ve got this!!! Now go out there and absolutely ‘ave it…(love you more)

Updates soon xxx