SULA – adj. Acronym ‘sweaty upper lip alert’

“I left the hotel for precisely 4 seconds before suffering a SULA of epic proportions”

Term coined by one Miss Annabelle Porter-Rigg circa 2008, a SULA is the only way to describe the sweatybox that is Singapore.

If Hong Kong was a 2 showers kindve town, Singapore is a 4 a day vibe! Minimum. Oh man I forgot just how bad! Poor Liz may as well have spent the whole trip dragging round a bull mastiff!!! Sweating and sneezing thanks to germy cold probably from the plane (I’m looking at you Pippi Longstocking!!) is such an attractive look! #iamavailable #tellyoursinglefriends.

We persevered but was essentially just 4 days of playing our new favourite game “how far can you crawl up the road before you need to go into an air conditioned shop and pretend you are interested in items and not just there for the sweet sweet icy air” #catchytitle #itsaworkinprogress

Backpacker life proving tough as we checked into the 5 star Shangri La Singapore. First evening was spent having an icy cold gin and face masks with high end French skin care. #notsobackpackwankers but on account of the fact that I am my father’s daughter and refuse to pay full price for anything, got an insane deal on the hotel at £100 a night for us both including daily champagne breakfast / brunch. So….rude not to really.

We had our own apartment style room which was the dream, though barely in it as so much to do and see in Singapore

Breaky was legit insane. Dim sum, curry, pho station, any kind of egg you can imagine, fresh fruit bar, full.English, 10 types of cereals, full bakery with pastries, muffins, 15 types of bread, Bellini bar.

But i never really realised how much I have been doing breakfast wrong until I saw the cheese board (complete with Borsain Leanne Thomas!!!) and realised we really needed to up our game when we get home… #allofthecalories #cheesebuffetisthebestwaytostartanyday

This is also the place where we met one of the memorable characters of our trip so far, Mr Dean Bush, head chef and Asia’s answer to dell boy! Something so charming about his singaporean appearance and thick peckham wide boy mash up accent which we instantly felt at home with. He was a hero, kept us laughing, plyed us with inappropriate stories and golden one liners like “alright ladies, cor I’m sweating like a sodding dyslexic on countdown here today”. Made breakfast all the more entertaining #mealandashow #notaheroeswearcapes #someweargiantchefhats Cheers Dean! We miss you already!

Day 1 was a trip to the beautiful Botanic gardens and famed Orchid Garden. A peaceful, oasis amidst the high rise corporate headquarters, we had a perfect few hours wandering. And by “perfect” i actually mean hideously sweaty….had my mini fan (courtesy of Mama Thurlow, thanks Ma!) round my neck like an elderly American #allglamour #spotthetourist it did little to curb the 85% humidity but I tried.

We went in search of monkey face orchids but alas none at this time of year so wandered amongst the bonsai trees, spotted swans on the lake and channelled our inner Bear Grylls in the rainforest garden.

Evening was a visit to the epic Singapore Night Zoo. Readers may remember this was one of mine and my sister’s favourite things to do last time we were here in Singapore. Didn’t disappoint yet again. Just as terrifying as I remember. We had such a laugh. Liz on top form as always, marvelling at all the weird and wonderful creatures you’ve never heard of and coming out with gems such as:

“what is it? a big pig deer?”

and

“Oh look there’s it’s penis”

She’s been gold as a travel companion so far as expected and we have barely stopped laughing…apart from the times where we have been so sweaty we couldn’t see let alone crack the jokes. #imhopingtohavesweatoff2stone #allofthefrizzyhair

Got giant comedy fantas for literally no reason and wandered about laughing and also being scared of everything til about midnight.

Day 2 we decided to embrace full on tourist wanker-dom and board the hop on hop off bus. We have walked around 15-20km every day so far so decided our legs had earned the rest. Plus there is a real danger that i will return from this trip with thighs like Chris Hoy if I’m not careful so it was necessity really. #morehoylessbeyonce

Great way to see the sights (Cathy Moore is not wrong chef, it was great!!!) and get a free blowdry on top deck #whipmyhairbackanfforth. HAIR UPDATE I now have curly hair on account of hideous humidity…so far managing to resist the need for corn rows ala Monica from friends…but not sure how much longer for!!!

We hopped on and off (clues in the title…!) at Gardens by the Bay for a great morning wandering the super tree grove, flower dome and cloud forest.

Liz decide to brave the canopy tree top sky walk, terrified is an understatement. But yet again in true spirit of face your fears (not much choice as everything is Asia is 100 stories high) braved it all the way to the end, and judging by her “heavily clenched” walk managed not to shit herself. So that’s good! Hands down will come back cured.

Stopped for an ice cream at Maccy d’s #traditionalfoods #embracingtravel. Lots of people in front of me ordering a yellow ice cream so intrigued we asked what flavour it was “sweetcorn” said the woman behind the counter proudly….Actually laughed in her face. “Erm….i’ll just have plain then thanks.”

Because I always see the celebs, it was little surprise thar we bumped into everyone’s favourite Grammy and brit award winning star Sam Smith whilst getting Liz a hotdog (for being so brave!). He was a total arse. Really rude, really dismissive and really disappointingly knobbish. Decided to ham it up and tell him we loved his gig at Hammersmith Apollo (pre first album) just to make him feel bad. He looked embarrassed when realised I wasn’t just a celeb hunter #arse #realfan #notsureforhowmuchlonger. Let’s hope the other celebs to inevitably grace the travels will be nicer.

Ended the day with a chilled few beers at Clarke Quay and marvelled at our new favourote game (yeah…we have a lot of new favourite games ok!!) “Boyfriends as photographers” – basically involves Asian boyfriend contorting themselves or lying on the floor in compromising positions in order to get the perfect shot of their girlfriends for Instagram. It’s hilarious to observe from afar.

More hop on hop off bussing this time through China town little India and a wander through Arab Street. Harriet Moore has been an absolute hero with excellent suggestions of things to do and this was no exception. Thanks chef, was such a cool.part of town we never would have stumbled on if you handnt have mentioned.

Next stop was the iconic Raffles for the Famous Singapore Sling. Unfortunately the hotel itself was Closed for refurbishment, which is proving to be a depressing theme of the tour. But we were very lucky long bar only just opened again 2 weeks ago! Phew.

Had our 2 classic cocktails….$75 please…about £40……robbing bastards! The only time I spend upwards of £20 in a cocktail is if it’s 4am on a saturday night in Infernos (JK, I don’t go out anymore #tooold)

We did however enjoy eating our body weight in monkey nuts and throwing the shells on the floor as is tradition. Gunna give it a go at Wetherspoons in Bromley highstreet, see how we get on!

Went to see the Merlion fountain at the bay for a comedy snap and headed back to the hotel to get ready for dinner.

Been craving Singaporean national dish of Chill Crab since pretty much the time i finished the last mouthful 2 years ago so it was an absolute must. Headed to the award winning jumbo seafood at Dempsey Hill and it was heaving! A good sign..Only had a table on the veranda which they kept cool with giant fans. Was like eating in a wind tunnel!!! #whipmyhairbackandforth

Hardest meal ever to be graceful with. Covered in sauce (hence the bib) not an attractive date night dish that’s for sure!!! Liz got stuck in in the spirit of trying yet more new foods and loved it, will make a seafood covert of her yet!

Headed to Aura bar at the National Gallery to meet up with Anthony from uni who lives out here on Singapore. Still no idea what his job is….think it’s something to do with destroying the planet for monetary gain and propane and propane accessories.

Spoilt by him.with cocktails and the insane views over the city. Good to catch up and hear all the news. Cheers Leybag.

Final day was day of rest at the Shangri La pool #asjesuswouldhavewanted pretty certain there’s an old testament chapter about on the final day you must rest, get burnt by the pool and drink a lot of gin. #holidayflavour and evening we headed for Satays for dinner.

Final highlights of last evening was the phenomenal Garden Rhapsody at Gardens by the Bay Super Tree Grove….unbelievably mind blowing light show set to songs from the musicals. We bloody loved it!!

So much in fact we stayed another hour to see it again!!! Everyone lies down on the ground and watches it light up above you. It was magical. But soooo SWEATY. Unfortunately we were dressed to go “out out” after so other viewers basically got 2 shows for price of 1 thanks to us being in the shortest dresses ever and lying down #notagoodlook #shouldvethoughtthatthrough

Had a sweetcorn ice cream from Maccy d’s for the lols. It was rancid as anticipated. Literally just smelt and tasted like a tin of Green Giant….what is with all the messed up food combos!?! Regular ice cream is fine! Vegetable ice cream…not fine!!

Mama and Papa Anderton gave us some money to have a drink on top of the world at the Famous Marina Bay Sands hotel and thanks to Dean the chefs wheeling and dealing managed to get the best VIP table in the house, on the outside terrace at Lavo cocktail bar to enjoy them.

Raised a glass to Aunty Susan who we wished could’ve been there to join us, put the world to rights and marvelled at the view.

Singapore you’ve been a dream but it’s time for us to get back to reality for a bit ahead of our tour through Vietnam and Cambodia (don’t worry we will be back to the suite life when we get to Thailand!!!!). Can’t wait to meet the tour group and see what the next few weeks has in store. Will keep you posted xx