We got up at 5 for our 6hr coach from Xi’an and arrived at Shaolin in time for lunch. Coach literally pulled onto the hard shoulder and turfed us out on the middle of the motorway, and a monk came and picked us up in a minivan!

Drive to the guesthouse worried me as it looked like one of our youth prison sites but rooms were lovely. All in private rooms (*rejoice*) and the sun has stayed out. Sat soaking up some rays and had a delicious lunch courtesy of the monks who live on site. All the food is grown less than 20 ft from the kitchen and was so fresh. Great to see lots of vegetables and no processed crap which we’ve survived on for too long!

Took a drive out into the mountains to the local Kung-fu school and we’re treated to a mind blowing show by the little ones training to be masters!

Next it was our turn! Met our Kung-fu teachers, my favourite of whom was Chris. Chris was a middle aged white guy who had clearly had a misspent youth watching the karate kid!!! Didn’t ask his full background instead favouring my own made up story that he was a manager of a Tesco and just one day snapped and decided to escape to the mountains to find himself as live as a kung-fu monk in the hills forever more!

Niceties over, it was  time for our first lesson! Obviously given my proficiency at all things hand eye coordination I was a natural……………struggled so much that I was assigned an individual helper monk to reposition me at all times! Awkward!

Was lots of fun though and great to be outside and away  from the busy, hectic city life we seem to have been submerged in since we arrived in China.

Made the most of the fresh air, took comedy snaps and watched the sunset.

 

Home in time for another delicious dinner. Much like Mama Thurlow, the monks cater for 50-60 guests when there are only 8 of us so we tried out best to be polite and eat what we could before a well earned sleep ahead of another busy day tomorrow.

Friday was badged as another optional hike but given all my war wounds and the fact I’ve technically survived the others thought might as well just get on with it. Got to the car park and the end goal was pointed out, tiny statue in the far distance at the top of a sodding massive bloody mountain! Marvellous!!!

Vomiter has also picked up stomach bug (shock horror….who’ve thought eating shit street food and never washing your hands…ever…would have that effect!) and insisted on coming along with us. All skeptical that she would be able to manage as clearly has some form of heat stroke, she got aggressive and insisted she came. Got part way to the top, stopped for a group photo and she threw up everywhere….again! Literally are you even an adult?! How are you functioning making such shocking life decisions. Everyone pissed off as we now have to look after her on our own on another night train with no guides to help us because she’s too stubborn to be responsible!!! Is it hometime yet?!?!?!

Celebrity status was literally off the chain in Shaolin. Lei Lei warned us we would be an attraction for locals but it was crazy. I was asked by 29 separate groups of people for photographs!!!! Stopped counting after that, those were just the ones who were upfront! Caught loads of people taking sly ones. Others delighted in fact I seemed to be taking the brunt of it!?! Assuming as I am the palest one I am more freakish than the others?!

 

Frances attempted to tell people I was Cheryl Cole (will totally take that!!!) in an attempt to charge ¥5 each picture for a beer fund! Failed miserably. Everyone wants to touch me constantly, perhaps they think my pasty complexion has magical powers?!

My favourite was this ghetto G bloke who asked if I could hold his dog and be in a picture with both of them?!?! Very bizarre. Dog was literally adoreable. Almost as cute as Dexter who I met in Melbourne! His name was Timmo, he was fluffy and tiny and I loved him!

We had a wander around the complex soaking up some more Shaolin temple culture. Got stared at a lot and so headed back to find the others.

We went to watch another Kung-fu show, this time performed by kids who attend the local private kung fu school and pay £600 a month for the privilege. Was really trippy with loads of lights, weapons and loud music. Actually thought it was pretty average, much more impressed by the poorer farm kids the day before, they were much slicker and more focused…a key component of kung fu I’ll have you know #expert #couldntevendotheeasyposes!

Took our seriously tired legs back to the hostel for our last delicious lunch! Had a couple of hours to pack and chill before the bus to the station for our last and final night train to Beijing! Thank the lord.

We were warned by Lei Lei that Zhenzhou is “the worst train station in China”….laughed given his propensity to over exaggerate everything! Thoughts supported by his reasoning that this was because “KFC there doesn’t even have a chicken burger”!?! Got inside and the shock was overwhelming
Literally thousands of people everywhere!!! All lying on the floor, on chairs, 28 degrees inside the station and a cloudy haze of smoke hanging over everything! Makes St Pancras on bank holiday weekend look like a walk in the park!

We were actually eager to get on the train!!! My turn in the top bunk coffin though and not looking forward to that. Only saving grace being if he vomiter decides to live up to her glorious reputation yet again….I’ll be out of the splash zone!!! Xx