Had a one night stop off in Virginia en route from D.C to break the journey down to Nashville. Pulled up to our accomodation which I think must’ve been the inspiration for the Bates Motel….it was a shocker from the outside. Burnt out light up sign and general sense of impending doom about the place! Murderous vibes not helped by the guy on the front of this promotional leaflet left by the bed…presumably as a warning from the others who had been slaughtered before us?! Had dinner and slept with one eye open

Set off for the long drive down to Nashville early doors. Bus journeys have been totally manageable, comfy and good company helps. All learning lots about each other and interesting stories, like resident nurse, Alex and her “what is my favourite xray of things we’ve found in a body cavity” one! (plastic Buzz Lightyear in someones rectum if you’re wondering) helps the time to fly by.

Pulled into Nashville, affectionately termed “Nash-vegas” by the locals, around 1pm after crossing the state time zone line and gaining an hour back. Real hubbub about the place just driving down Broadway, the main street in the city, even mid afternoon. Bars spilling full of people, street performers everywhere and live music ringing in our ears. Such a cool place, all in agreement we loved it as we headed to the hostel  (whyyyyyyyyy!!!) and checked in

Straight back out to make the most of our one day here and first stop was cowboy boot shopping. Some of the girls had their eyes on pairs since the trip began so we had lots of fun trying on lots of pairs and helping the ladies decide which to choose. I decided I’d rather keep both kidneys than have to sell one on the black market to cover the $400 price tag for a pair of boots I will literally never wear outside of this holiday! These tempted me badly, but decided playing cowgirl dress up was more fun than parting with my cash

3 pairs of boots and 3 very happy holiday companions in tow, we headed over to the Country music hall of fame. Really well done museum covering all areas of Country music right from its inception up to Carrie Underwood and Keith Urban

Watched some great footage of country stars over the years and messed around on the interactive stuff designed for kids. Leanne and I recording our own album track and creating some questionable cover art!!

Home via Mike’s Ice Cream parlour, where the line was out the door, figured all those southerners couldn’t be wrong! It was delicious, had red velvet cake flavour, when in Rome eh!

We went for dinner and hung out with our group leader and her boyfriend who was in town for the weekend. Beers on a cool rooftop bar with views out over the city. Walked up the street and into a few bars for drinks and live music. The local bands play just for tips and to entertain and they are awesome. Everyone here could be the next big country sensation, voice are phenomenal and we danced and yelled along to country classics for a few hours before hitting the hay.

Off to Memphis tomorrow for Graceland and more southern hospitality and we can’t wait! Night y’all xx

 

 

Lucked out at the hotel and ended up with a room to myself rather than bundled in with a  roomie so some calm before the storm of 21 days on the tour. And typically one of worst nights sleep in had all trip. Putting it down to excitement and the chemicals they put in coca cola here…

Headed down to the Lobby to meet the group and all a lovely bunch! First friend I made in the queue for breakfast was actually on a different tour so that was a total fail, but the 12 others were all as bubbly and excitable as I’d hoped. Four very grounded and lovely under 21s and the rest mid 20s as expected.

Boarded the bus and made our way across town to our first stop Philadelphia. Waved “Good morning Baltimore” as we crossed the bridge into state.

First stop was the Philadelphia Art museum aka the steps that Rocky runs up. We all did comedy reenactment and I managed not to fall over…win!!! Snaps with the man himself and back on the bus to complete the drive down to D.C.

 

Stopped off en route to see the Liberty Bell and the site of Washington and Adams’ former home. Very interesting accompanying museum and a beautiful day to explore. I walked up to see the grave site of Benjamin Franklin and we chilled in the sunshine before getting back on the road again.

We went for lunch at a complete dive on the side of the road which you never would have stopped at had we not been with our guide. All in aid of sampling Philadelphia’s favourite dish – the famous Philly Cheese Steak! It was literally a sandwich the size of my forearm! so ridiculous! Managed less than half. it was nice but didn’t blow my mind, was missing “owt moist” as Peter Kay would say. Get some mustard or mayo or something new there lads! you’ve had years to perfect it! Also neither “provelone” nor “American” are types of cheese?! Have a word!!

Arrived in Washington around 5pm so enough time for an explore of the Hostel…yes hostel. Oh how I have missed them so!!! Pretty lucky as 10 girls on the trip so all bundled in the same dorm room without any randoms which is fine. Dinner and all in bed by 10 as we were shattered. Busy day ahead tomorrow.

Bright and early start to the day as lots to see. I asked if we could stop off at Ford’s theatre on the way down to the Mall. Sparked confusion amidst some of the group…”where are we going”? “oh were going to a theatre where some dude was shot apparently”…..that’ll be the “dude” that abolished slavery and was one of the most pivotal presidents in American history we joked (50% joking, 50% horrified!). Bless her!

Got to the Mall and started with the Washington monument. Very striking. Next stop was the World War II memorial, an interesting American take on the history of how they won the entire war (just a few years late to the party eh!!!) Next up the Reflecting Pool, the a huge lake which leads up the Mall. Made famous by the “Jennnnnnny” scene in Forrest Gump where she wades though it at the peace rally.

Top of the lake is at Lincoln Memorial and one of the highlights of our trip to D.C. Really awesome monument and great to see in the flesh

The afternoon was spent wandering the Smithsonian institute – which is a series of museums in a row much like in South Kensington. We stopped at the Natural History museum, air and space museum and the museum of American art & national portraits. Visited the Hall of Presidents gallery and saw the greats. Also heard a grown American woman turn to her husband and ask why does Bush have 2 portraits?”…..well one is Bush Jr and one Bush Snr…”but yeah why are there 2 one of him,where he’s young and one where he’s old?!”…..jesus wept!

Next stop was Capitol hill, unfortunately covered in scaffolding whilst extensive repairs are completed but got the jist. We also stopped in to see the Supreme Court and the Library of Congress, both beautiful buildings and a welcome shelter from the sun.

Popped in to see if Barack was home but he is currently on a 3 day visit to the UK, must remember to let him know we’re coming next time!

I have walked 35,000 steps today, in flat strappy sandals…and shorts (who even am I anymore?!?!) Been a really busy but great way to explore the city on our one day here though.

Before our epic drive down, we stopped on route at Arlington Cemetery. We visited the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and saw the changng of guard, very  poignant ceremony accompanied by “imagine if the guard just totally stacked it” from the stands……oh dear! haha! Also stopped off to see the grave of JFK and Jackie O, where an eternal flame burns between them in a quintessentially American ott kind of way. Fascinating all the same.

Team have been seriously entertaining, on hand for lots of laughs and to provide fun facts like “did you know your earlobes are the same width apart as your nipples”…so it’s keeping the trip interesting! Begin the journey down south tomorrow, adventure continues!

72hrs and an awesome list of things to do, suggestions from you lovely lot. After a 5am start thanks to the cruel mistress that is jet lag….I started with Breakfast at the Evergreen diner, an unassuming but cute little place on W 47th street. Had pancakes with Bacon, it was literally like eating perfectly fluffy clouds smothered in maple syrup!! I forgot about the insane portions here and struggled my way through half the plate before admitting defeat.

Number 2 on the list for today: get Broadway tickets. As a sucker for anything take that related decided Gary Barlow’s musical adaptation of Finding Neverland should be top of the hit list, plus I loved the film and it’s a great story. Vetoed the $170 price tag and decided to try my luck with an age old Broadway tradition, Rush tickets. Queue the morning of the show for a small allocation of cheaper tickets for that days performance. I stood in line for 2 hours….what a great way to spend some of my 72hrs here!!!! Made friends with the mental women in the queue who have seen this show every day for the past month!!!! Crazy Broadway groupies are a serious deal here, hoardes of people who just go from show to show, wait at the stage door and become consumed by the entire run! They were lovely company and had some good stories about Idina Menzel being a bitch and let me know that Alfie Boe is the new lead which I didn’t realise. Passed the time and kept me amused.

Finally got to the box office to be greeteed by a horrifically rude man at the window who literally threw my ticket at me, when I asked if it was front row or restricted view he shouted “lady it’s a great ticket it’s $37 what’s your problem”….so i pretended I had a retinal disease and very poor eyesight so I needed to check…..soely to make him feel awful…he looked awkward and muttered an apology saying he didnt think it would be an issue in my seat… what a wanker!!!!

Wandered Times Square and took tourist pics, trying to avoid plethora of “street artists” in the scabiest looking Mickey Mouse and minions outifts i have ever seen! Headed for a quick nap in a bid to defeat the jet lag, accidently slept for 2hrs!!! whoops! Big breakfast set me up for the day so I headed to number 3 on my list at 4ish….

Pastrami on Rye at Katz Deli was calling and after a seriously big claim from Joey Cunningham that it may just have been the greatest meal he’d ever eaten I was expecting big things…..made.famous by “that” Meg Ryan scene in When Harry Met Sally, I got in line for my sarnie. Angelo was my “cutter” – sandwich making extroadiniere who was painfully charming and once he’d established I was traveling alone asked me for a drink later this evening, alas Broadway is taking precedent so I blushed apologetically and let him crack on with the next woman under 30 in the line. Has made me realise that I should probably add “sandwich making skills” to my list of things to look for in a man….it’s so far just a small.piece of paper that says “6ft +” and “stubble”…. #hardlypicky #joysofsinglelife

So Joe Dogz could not have been more accurate, that sandwich is food of the actual gods. What a way to while an hour.  Food heaven exists and it is within the 4 sacred walls of Katz.

Headed down to Brooklyn to see the Bridge and take in a view of the skyline from across the river. Beautuful day strolling in the balmy sunshine. Spent some time sitting in Brooklyn Bridge park, people watching and falling in love with People’s dogs.

Headed back into Broadway for Finding Neverland. Awesome seat slap bang in the middle of the stalls, row C…I queued but nothing sweeter than knowing the man in the seat next to you paid £140 for his instead of £25!! Show was excellent, Alfie Boe’s performance a triumph, I laughed, i wanted to get up and sing along and I balled my eyes out at the end (just like I do every time I watch the film!) all signs of a great show. Well done Barlow, you did good my son!!!

Seriously tired so headed back to the hotel via Juniors Cheesecake, another New York institution. Ordered the heart attack special “Devils food cheesecake” essentially a giant piece of chocolate cake with a Cheesecake slice sandwiched in the middle. Could feel my arteries narrowing as I ate it – sign of a winning dessert. Bed ahead of another busy day tomorrow!!

Monday morning began with a trip to see the iconic Flat Iron building. Really beautiful example of architecture at its finest, took me back to the the streets of 1920s nyc, just a shame there’s now a Starbucks and Sprint mobile in it!!! Also swung by “Mood Fabrics” made famous by tv show “Project Runway” met the lovely little dog that lives there and marveled and deems and deems of amazing fabric. Rachel Thomas you would have been in absolute heaven.

Second on the list was a stop at everyone’s favourite bridal boutique, Kleinfeld. Made famous by TV series “say yes to the dress” a show the Thurlow ladies have collectively seen every episode of!! I went in search of super camp dream weaver and Kleinfeld’s best salesman Randy, but to no avail. Took some snaps outside and decided to be bold and just go in. I styled it out by pretended Claire was getting married and coming out to New York in a few weeks. They were lovely and gave me their card and I spent some time eyeing up the dresses. Tick!

 

I wandered down, gelato in hand to the High Line, a suspended park in Chelsea and highly recommended by you lovely people as a must see. I have been spoilt by the sunshine again today, glorious blue skies and 24 degrees. Lovely 1.4mile walk above the busy streets. Well done Mayor Bloomberg, it’s a triumph!

 

Chelsea village for lunch pon recommendation from Tibbs. Delicious traditional New York pizza! It was seriously good, but again enormous! Munched my way through what I could and made a b line to Central Park for an afternoon stroll.

 

Had a go on the swings (can never resist!) but quickly realised I was the only over 5 in the playground so made a move to the lake and sat for an hour watching the row boats go by. Lovely breeze and a perch courtesy of Dr Dale Owen.

 

Next stop was the Museum of Modern Art. A great place for a few hours wander and home to some truly beautiful and internationally recogniseable works of art. Checked out their Degas exhibition and marvelled at the Van Goghs and made my merry way to the Rockafella centre for view of the city.

Top of the Rock really is the only way to see New York. you can’t beat a view of the skyline that has the Empire State in it. I timed it so I got to the top for the last dreggs of daylight and watched the sunset. Sat and watched the lights spring on over the whole city and saw the man right in front of me get down on one knee and propose to his girlfriend (i would’ve too, she was SUCH a babe, he was seriously punching!) It was very emotional and there was lots of snogging, i felt like a 3rd wheel but it was jam packed with people so did my best to retain some personal space and looked at the nighttime view!

Grabbed dinner at Shake Shack and Red Velvet dessert from Magnolia Bakery #sexandthecity #callmeCarrieBradshaw. Couldn’t eat it after the giant burger so shoved it in the mini bar for tomorrow – after all cake for breakfast is what holidays are all about!

Tuesday was the day I head to the pre-night hotel as tour starts first thing wednesday. But had the whole day to explore. Checked out of my hotel and made my way to do the Liberty Island and Ellis Island tour. Whilst not free like the Statten Island Ferry, I decided at $18 I’d like to see it up close and learn a bit more about the immigration process at the museum. Ferry sped in to the harbor to stunning views of of the city and lovely Lady Liberty.

Wandered the grounds for 3 hours or so, learnt lots on the audio tour and marvelled at the enormity of her. Next onto Ellis Island where I was taught about the trials and tribulations of immigrants arriving in the US of A and got to do a walk through of what it would have been like for someone arriving off a ship to start a new life in the promise land. Very interesting, though slightly too authentic being kettled in a queue for the ferry back to the city again for well over an hour…I heard a little girl telling her dad on the ferry back she liked the statue of liberty but she preferred the hot dog he had!!! The next generation of America ladies and gentlemen.

Had an impromptu visit to the Museum. of the American Indian as desperate for a wee!  I felt bad for taking advantage and the place was dead (compared to the carnage of the other museums i’ve visited on the trip, it was pretty sad!) so I pottered for 20mins. Surprisingly interesting. Got to get in a  real teepee, was fun and good practice for Glasto!

Wandered up to Wall Street, fought my way past an abundance of wide boy banker wanker types and took snaps with the charging bull including this obligatory bollock shot?! meant to be lucky……..no, I’ve got idea either!?!

Headed over to the 9/11 Memorial afterwards. It is so sensitively done and the scale, whilst harrowing, is very striking. Walked the perimeter, very hard to digest just how many names are inscribed. Not too sure about the abundance of people taking selfies (!?!) but something I’m glad I came to see.

Wandered up to Madison Square Garden, Empire State at street level and a potter round Macy’s before heading back to my hotel to collect my bags. Bumped into the delightfully charming Mr Bryan Cranston aka Walter White off of that Breaking Bad (though he will forever be Hal in my mind). He was really friendly and pleased to hear he would be appearing in the blog…never mind that Emmy award, everyone knows this is where true recognition lies!! Didn’t have time to bond over our mutual mate Chris Cowper, but he was just as nice as you said man!!

Currently on a pitch black bus to Newark Airport and rinsing the free WiFi. Pre tour hotel awaits ahead of meeting the group tomorrow for Trek America! The adventure continues…wish me luck!!! xx

 

 

Due to slightly farcical end to China trip where I decided to cut it short rather than face alternative: unfortunate sequence of events which would have meant the last 10 days of trip being spent as a 2, just the militant vomiter and I – I found myself with a couple days in blighty post Shanghai for some r&r en route to NYC.

Slept, ate delicious home cooked food, slept some more, stood in the power shower til I looked like a prune, caught up with the fam briefly, slept, stuffed face with belated easter egg and then repacked ready for the city that never sleeps.

Had another great start to proceedings courtesy of the rents booking me into the lounge, bring on the gin! Delayed by 2hrs…worse places to be than sat on a comfy sofa in front of the free bar. No characters this time assides from some precocious children called Leo and Rocco #sooooo2016dharling.

 

Read Travel magazine and plotted next adventures (…ignorance is bliss when it comes to bank balances right?!) and read through lots of helpful tips from my marvelous friends on what to see whilst in the Big Apple. Thanks y’all.

All rushed to the gate only to sit for another 45 minutes in less comfy seats, with no gin in the departure lounge. Got massively mugged off by the vending machine which charged me £2 for non existent bottle of water…coin return also mysteriously broken! Bastards!

Assuming further delay can only be a result of ‘Norwegian Air’ sizing up the passengers to see who has the longest legs for helping aid the run up the tarmack, ala The Flintstones. Don’t fly cheap airlines, lesson learnt….think I already knew it but putting it down to delirium!

Pleasantly surprised whilst on board, flight only 6.5hrs so feels like a breeze amidst the 60hrs+ I’ve already done. Got sat behind everyone’s favourite douchebag, 5ft 2″ woman who reclined her seat as far as it would go mid take off before seat belt sign even off! #ihopeyouchokeonthatcroissant!

After watching a hilarious immigration video in the queue, where real life staff didnt exactly match up with the friendly faces welcoming you to the US and a long and treacherous subway journey, full of all the ‘charachters’ you’d expect to see on underground trains at midnight on a Saturday night, I arrived at my hotel. Stones throw from Times Square / Theatre District and ready for bed…72hrs in NYC..on your marks, get set, go…..!!! Xx

 

 

 

Arrived at Shanghai after a far nicer journey by bullet train from Beijing. Headed across on the metro, crazy busy yet again, people trampling the elderly to get to the vacant seats and met Mr Kerr at the station. Not brave enough to attempt balancing on back of his scooter whilst wearing a 18kg backpack so we wandered back to the apartment. Welcome home indeed. Gorgeous place, sporting Ramsays eye tor design at every turn. Sat on a real life sofa and drank much needed Gin & Tonic.

Dinner was expertly selected fish and chips at a local place near by. perfect suggestion! Was delicious and a welcome change from indeterminate meat and rice flavour!

Slept in my OWN double room for the first time in 2 and a bit months and it was amazing. As demonstrated by the fact I slept for 12hrs solid. I’ve got the days to myself to explore whilst Ramsay is at work so all is well. Had a lazy morning of rest and BBC TV and headed down to Jing’an Temple for a spot of culture in the afternoon. Beautuful temple set nestled amidst the corporate tower blocks and shopping malls of central Shanghai. Got caught in an epic thunderstorm so sought shelter in with a 10ft jade Buddha and watched the lightening dart across the rainy sky.

I got back in to full tourist mode and spent the remainder of the day checking out Nanjing Road, the largest shopping street in the world; it has shops with literally everything for miles and miles. Wandered aimlessly in and out of places marvelling at the bizarre items for sale and mesmerised by the fact that H&M looks identical in every city I’ve visited.

Decided on dinner for 1 at Thai Princess, fancy looking place in one of Nanjing’s many shopping malls. Spicy thai curry did it’s best to clear my cold! So nice to have enjoyed such a chilled day after the madness of the last couple of months. I need to make the most of my few days here so tomorrow will be back into long days of sight seeing, but thought I owed myself one day to adjust.

Wednesday was a fantastic morning visiting the Shanghai Propaganda Museum. It’s a tiny museum on the outskirts of town, actually housed in a basement level apartment building (and very hard to find without the help of Ramsay and a very friendly cab driver). It houses a pristene collection of some of China’s most fascinating examples of propaganda posters, lovingly rescued and preserved amidst government ordered desrruction post cultural revolution. Fascinating to see so many historic pieces all in one place. I bought some postcards for a pretentious collage I shall put up in my home one day and thanked the owner for a really interesting morning.Getting back to civilisation was the trickier task once I’d left the museum. had a helpful map from Ramsay but much like lots of things in China nothing is where it is supposed to be! I asked a lovely lady on the street for help  hoping she’d speak English and pity me and she walked me the whole way to the metro!! Her name was DQ and she was from just outside Shanghai. Her English was immaculate and she was delightful company for the 15 minute walk to the station. we talked about life in China, travel and Downton Abbey. She said I had eyes just like Adele and she wanted them! I bid her farewell to change subway lines as she headed off to work as a nurse in central Shanghai and I made my way to People’s Square for more sights.

Manners and those people trying to scam you asside, the people of China whove approached us have all been very friendly and warm to us as tourists. Whilst cultural differences have sometimes meant we’ve been more a point of fascination, nearly everyone we have encountered along the way has been happy and cheery and approached us with good intentions, something I will really take away from my time here.

I spent the rest of the day pottering around People’s park, a huge park near the river in Shanghai. I took bus to People’s hero cenotaph and the Bund (shanghai southbank), to catch a glimpse of one of Asias most iconic skylines. I visited the free bund history museum to learn a little more and marvelled at a very foggy view of skyline

On the way home I stopped off to see the famous site of First National Congress of Chinese Communist Party. Whilst you can’t go inside was very interesting to see and in a really cool part of town.

Headed back to Ramsays and decided all that lugging of my giant backpack and walking everywhere warranted a spot of yoga to stretch those tired muscles! Ramsay’s mate runs the class so we went along and it was really fun, had a good laugh and she was a great teacher (well when he wasn’t standing on my shoulders to get me to stretch properly anyway!) I got told I smelt nice and was very flexible so a resounding success I think! Might try and take it up properly at home as felt tonnes better in the morning!

We headed out to dinner at another great place Ramsay likes to go, Japanese this time and very delicious and met his mate Ted for drinks at a cool street full of bars afterwards. I’m still yet to put my hand in my pocket – very generous hosting skills and just so grateful and feel very lucky to have such nice company and a bit of down time to chill.

Friday I headed over to the City of God temple and Yu Gardens, 2 of Shanghai’s must see tourist highlights. It was a gorgeous day for it, jeans were a bad choice! The Gardens were beautiful…once I’d found them! they were in the ornamental style, very oriental and very well kept. Wandered happily for an hour or so and enjoyed the sunshine. Stopped for some of Shanghai famous steamed dumplings at Nanxiang dumpling restaurant, queue was out the door and down the street so thought it was a good sign, they were yum!

Decided to be a bus wanker yesterday and use the sightseeing buses to get about, mainly because my legs are literally giving up on me! Buses themselves so unreliable and zero information, just horrendously irritating muzak playing round and round and no announcements as to which stop is which! but since I had a 2 day pass I hoped on and headed back to he bund to see if the fog had cleared. Success. What a difference a day makes!!!

Back to the flat for quick change and Friday night drinks with Ramsays friends. We went for dinner at a other great Italian place, doesnt even feel like I’m in China anymore… went for drinks at this cool little place which was essentially tables outside a supermarket in the French concession.

Onto a speakeasy bar until late where we spent most of the evening putting the world to rights,including an extensive rant by Ramsay about how overrated Sandi Toksvig is….got in at 3.30am so we ate crisps and watched a prog on the discovery channel about why planes crash, it was bizarre….

Saturday was a chilled day, pottered the shops and headed to the top of the Hyatt to the amazing bar and to see the nighttime view of the city. I decoded against a dip in the hot tub and watched the place English ones get in! Views were great but it was bloody freezing so we stayed for a couple, took some snaps and headed onwards.

We went out for dinner at a Sechanese place. I had a Shanghai history lesson from Ramsay on the back of the scooter as we sped through the shanghai streets which was a bonus, great way to see the city.

Sunday we were hungover so sat on the sofas feeling sorry for ourselves and watched the 3 hour American idol final. Nice dinner and a pub quiz to end a quintessentially English day. The team was just the 2 of us: “The Moira Stewarts” we called ourselves and we did pretty terribly coming in second from last, beating only the team who turned up late and missed the first round!!! But lots of fun and great way to wave bye to my time here.

It has been really great to spend time catching up with Ramsay after so long; you have been the perfect host Mr Kerr and I couldn’t have asked for a better few days to end my China adventure, leaving with positive memories, well rested and full of gin! Great work sir!

But now new adventures beckon, US of A is calling and I can’t bloomin wait! Xx

 

Survived our FINAL night train – wahoo. Was touch and go for 5 mins or so though, after I smashed my head really badly on the roof trying to get up to my bed on world’s tiniest comedy ladder! Top bunk surprisingly ok, actually managed 3 hours sleep or so…pretty impressive given the 10hr journey.

Arrived in Beijing at 6am, tired and achey from mammouth few days of hiking and kung fu! Straight to ‘pit stop’ hostel in middle of town for a quick bit of breakie and to pack a day bag for our overnight stay at the Great Wall.

Decided to swing by the Olympic Park en route as various demands by members of group to fit things in as we all leave on different days at different times means everything a bit manic and confused.

Had another zombie ish wander. Thought it would be much more pristene and preserved but Ann (our guide) outlined the government have pretty much let it go to shit as the maintenence costs even when it is unused for a year are £2 million. If it is used they increase significantly so it’s just sitting empty until the 2022 winter Olympics rolls round and guessing they’ll employ an entire village to give it a jet wash!!!

Headed on to one of the standout highlights of the trip, our trek on the great Wall. Shame we were also starving and shattered from being up since 5am! Prospect of a 4hrs hike really not appealing….literally at all…morale was low, even comedy singalong in car effort was shot down! #toughcrowd

 

We visited the Badaling ancient segment of the wall. An unrestored section ordinarily open only to locals, expert Dragon Trip insider skills meant that we too were able to walk it. It was physically the most demanding day we’ve had, constant ups and downs on uneven, slippery and rocky terrain. We struggled. A lot. Essentially we only perserved by all imagining David Beckham was waiting for us half naked at the top with a plate of cheese!!!

 

It was a lot of fun and one of he most peaceful and rewarding things we have done all tour. The silence was deafening, you could literally hear a pin drop, well when we’d taken a break from excessive cursing and hyperventilating anyway!

Journey back down almost as tough and more treacherous as constant concentration on not falling flat on your arse required. Unbelievably I picked up zero injuries! A miracle! Group all very patronisingly proud!

 

Couldn’t decide if we wanted to eat, sleep or cry by time we got back to the hotel. Sleep deprivation was seriously taking its toll and all of us where physically and mentally exhausted.

Had another “sharing” meal…..where vulture like group members with zero consideration or “buffet etiquette” stuffed faces and spun the lazy Susan towards themselves whilst others trying to eat from it!!!! #JOEYDOESNTSHAREFOOD! Worst quality meal we’ve had all trip, pushed a few bits about my plate and admitted defeat.

Before we headed to bed….at 9pm (!!) it was time for the famous Dragon Trip chopstick challenge, who can pick up the most peanuts with chopsticks! I was the joyous winner managing 17 of the oily buggers in 30 seconds, not too shabby! Up against competitors who have bought forks from home though so not much contest!!!

Next morning was another shocking 4.45am start to catch sunrise on the Great Wall….all skeptical of timings as outlined by guide but met her at reception as planned. Skeleton group as others decided to stay in bed….?!?! “Sure, you have a lie in, after all you can watch sunrise at the great wall of china any time”…….oh wait!?

 

Headed to the same section we’d walked yesterday which was a bit rubbish and surprise surprise by time we’d hiked the hour to reach the first peak we’d pretty much missed it! Did say to guide we thought we’d need more time…so all in all a bit of a pointless excersise. It was bloody freezing, even my knee caps were cold?! Is that even a thing? I mean what even is that?! We were back at the hostel by 6.45am. Productive start to another punishing day!!

Lost another of the group to the dreaded China germs so made for a touch and go 3hr minibus ride back to central Beijing! Bless her. Attempted to sleep nearly the whole way back to the hostel. We were able to check in to the hostel this time so headed up to our depressing 14 bed dorm room…..and sat on my top bunk feeling sorry for myself until it was time to head to Tiannamen Square and the famous Forbidden city tour in the afternoon.

Tiannamen square wasn’t really as I’d imagined. The iconic gate to the palace was smaller and looked more like the front of a travelodge, just with a big pic of Chairman Mao on the front of it! Ann sheepishly told us some of the history of the square which we were already acutely aware of and wanted us not to discuss anything further since there are secret plain clothed police everywhere apparently?!

 

We wandered the many gates and imperial pavilions of the Forbidden city and walked some more steps (shock horror!) to the park pagoda to get a birds eye view of the whole Palace grounds. All beyond exhausted and sad to say that marred a lot of the enjoyment of the day as we were finding it hard to concentrate on literally staying awake, let alone absorbing the surroundings. Guide had very little information which was a bit disappointing as felt we could have learned a lot more about our locations visited than simply having someone to physically take you from A to B.

5 of 6 of us headed to traditional Peking Duck dinner at a swanky looking place along from the hostel. Ordered WAY to much on recommendation from guide and barely scratched the surface. Was delicious but could’ve fed 50 let alone 5!!!

After some negotionations of order of events to try and fit everything in we then went on to the Night market. Essentially rows and rows of food stalls lining a street with weird and wonderful delicacies for the brave (and the stupid!) to try. Classic chinese approach to cuisine of we will literally eat anything, accompanied by shouts from stall holders: “beef, squid, platapus”!…….everything which had a face came with it still attached, save for the baked starfish which just came on sticks?!?!?! Glad we’d eaten before hand!

Monday was our final day in Beijing before we scatter onto new locations and some return home. The morning was spent at the Temple of heaven. As you enter the grounds the first section is a huge public park which is largely famous for the best location for “daily excercises”, a ritual rigorously followed by the elderly generation in China to maintain levels of fitness. It was stuffed full of older people conducting an array of absolutely fascinating excercises, hobbies and routines.

 

4 blokes in their 70s let me join them to play some hackysack, the true game of choice for any self respecting retred person in China! I was actually pretty good at it #foundanothercalling.

Said our goodbyes to Aylia who is en route to Thailand and spent the afternoon bartering for more tacky shit at the world famous Beijing fakes market. 4 floors of fake everything from headphones to hairdye, lipsticks to longchamps. You want fake anything they have it.

Acrobatic show in the afternoon, it was very bizarre but antisocial not to go since it was our last night together. Chinese crowds are seriously hard to please!! I wouldn’t get out of bed for the level of applause the performers received let alone risk my life every day to perform death defying stunts for their amusement. Really is very shocking to see just how ungracious and underwhelmed an audience.

Had a shambolic final dinner which ended up just being 3 of us as Sophie and Frances left early for their 4 star hotel…who can blame them! Average meal in grimy place after vetoing the first choice as the smell of purifying meat so overwhelming we only made in 5 paces inside the door!!!

Said goodbyes to lovely Annick, the best roomie I could’ve asked for all this trip and a real light on the dark days. Thanks for keeping me smiling you absolute hero, I miss you already!

Survived our FINAL and shit night of hostel sleep and said farewell to the tour and Hello next stop: Shanghai! xx

 

 

 

 

We got up at 5 for our 6hr coach from Xi’an and arrived at Shaolin in time for lunch. Coach literally pulled onto the hard shoulder and turfed us out on the middle of the motorway, and a monk came and picked us up in a minivan!

Drive to the guesthouse worried me as it looked like one of our youth prison sites but rooms were lovely. All in private rooms (*rejoice*) and the sun has stayed out. Sat soaking up some rays and had a delicious lunch courtesy of the monks who live on site. All the food is grown less than 20 ft from the kitchen and was so fresh. Great to see lots of vegetables and no processed crap which we’ve survived on for too long!

Took a drive out into the mountains to the local Kung-fu school and we’re treated to a mind blowing show by the little ones training to be masters!

Next it was our turn! Met our Kung-fu teachers, my favourite of whom was Chris. Chris was a middle aged white guy who had clearly had a misspent youth watching the karate kid!!! Didn’t ask his full background instead favouring my own made up story that he was a manager of a Tesco and just one day snapped and decided to escape to the mountains to find himself as live as a kung-fu monk in the hills forever more!

Niceties over, it was  time for our first lesson! Obviously given my proficiency at all things hand eye coordination I was a natural……………struggled so much that I was assigned an individual helper monk to reposition me at all times! Awkward!

Was lots of fun though and great to be outside and away  from the busy, hectic city life we seem to have been submerged in since we arrived in China.

Made the most of the fresh air, took comedy snaps and watched the sunset.

 

Home in time for another delicious dinner. Much like Mama Thurlow, the monks cater for 50-60 guests when there are only 8 of us so we tried out best to be polite and eat what we could before a well earned sleep ahead of another busy day tomorrow.

Friday was badged as another optional hike but given all my war wounds and the fact I’ve technically survived the others thought might as well just get on with it. Got to the car park and the end goal was pointed out, tiny statue in the far distance at the top of a sodding massive bloody mountain! Marvellous!!!

Vomiter has also picked up stomach bug (shock horror….who’ve thought eating shit street food and never washing your hands…ever…would have that effect!) and insisted on coming along with us. All skeptical that she would be able to manage as clearly has some form of heat stroke, she got aggressive and insisted she came. Got part way to the top, stopped for a group photo and she threw up everywhere….again! Literally are you even an adult?! How are you functioning making such shocking life decisions. Everyone pissed off as we now have to look after her on our own on another night train with no guides to help us because she’s too stubborn to be responsible!!! Is it hometime yet?!?!?!

Celebrity status was literally off the chain in Shaolin. Lei Lei warned us we would be an attraction for locals but it was crazy. I was asked by 29 separate groups of people for photographs!!!! Stopped counting after that, those were just the ones who were upfront! Caught loads of people taking sly ones. Others delighted in fact I seemed to be taking the brunt of it!?! Assuming as I am the palest one I am more freakish than the others?!

 

Frances attempted to tell people I was Cheryl Cole (will totally take that!!!) in an attempt to charge ¥5 each picture for a beer fund! Failed miserably. Everyone wants to touch me constantly, perhaps they think my pasty complexion has magical powers?!

My favourite was this ghetto G bloke who asked if I could hold his dog and be in a picture with both of them?!?! Very bizarre. Dog was literally adoreable. Almost as cute as Dexter who I met in Melbourne! His name was Timmo, he was fluffy and tiny and I loved him!

We had a wander around the complex soaking up some more Shaolin temple culture. Got stared at a lot and so headed back to find the others.

We went to watch another Kung-fu show, this time performed by kids who attend the local private kung fu school and pay £600 a month for the privilege. Was really trippy with loads of lights, weapons and loud music. Actually thought it was pretty average, much more impressed by the poorer farm kids the day before, they were much slicker and more focused…a key component of kung fu I’ll have you know #expert #couldntevendotheeasyposes!

Took our seriously tired legs back to the hostel for our last delicious lunch! Had a couple of hours to pack and chill before the bus to the station for our last and final night train to Beijing! Thank the lord.

We were warned by Lei Lei that Zhenzhou is “the worst train station in China”….laughed given his propensity to over exaggerate everything! Thoughts supported by his reasoning that this was because “KFC there doesn’t even have a chicken burger”!?! Got inside and the shock was overwhelming
Literally thousands of people everywhere!!! All lying on the floor, on chairs, 28 degrees inside the station and a cloudy haze of smoke hanging over everything! Makes St Pancras on bank holiday weekend look like a walk in the park!

We were actually eager to get on the train!!! My turn in the top bunk coffin though and not looking forward to that. Only saving grace being if he vomiter decides to live up to her glorious reputation yet again….I’ll be out of the splash zone!!! Xx

Night train just as gross as anticipated again but at least only 15hrs this time. I got the bottom bunk which was prime positioning for random children to try to climb on me when they got confused about which bed their mum was in!! We decided fairest way was to rotate bed locations so we all get one train journey in the “coffin” (top bunk). I obviously did my research and offered to do the last leg to Beijing immediately which others thought was really noble. Clearly no one else bothered to work out this was also the shortest possible route where we get on at 10pm and off at 6am! Fools!

Another shocking excuse for sleep, maybe 1hr or so in total. Bunks right above a squeaky set of wheels, get some WD40 on there for christ sake lads!!! So shattered when we got off. Following gross vomit fiasco we worked out a couple of us have had about 12hrs sleep in 4 days! Zombie doesn’t even cover it…..

Met Lei Lei, our new tour guide at the train station. Super fabulous bloke who’s life’s ambition seemed to be to find a job which involved holding a flag! He swished the dragon trip logo through the streets like he was in a baton twirling championship! He’s a total sweetheart and affectionately refers to us as “angels”. Only slight anomaly was the mate he bought along to join us for 3 days of this chunk of the trip. “Hoop” is a 50 odd year old bloke who looks a bit Yewtree and has worn double denim every day….but nothing about this place surprises me anymore! We boarded the bus an pretended it was normal.

 

Listened to traditional Chinese chorus of disgusting locals hack up the contents of their lungs and spit them on the floor of the bus around our feet #canyousaySARS

Arrived at the hostel which is within the city walls of Xi’an, really sweet little place, very traditional, lucky given the array of hostels we passed on route…including “golden shower hostel”…so really could’ve been much worse!!

Got to the Lobby only to be told we were in a shared dorm again. After fiasco in Chengdu put my foot down and decided along with Annick to upgrade to a private room, I would pay £15 for distance from the militant trade unionist vegetarian vomit-er literally EVERY day of the week! Think it sent a clear message that we are still not amused!

Really like Xi’an on the whole. It has a really authentic traditional feel whilst still feeling vibrant and cosmopolitan. The balance between old and new can be found everywhere from the food to the architecture.

We had some lunch and headed to the city walls to get a birds eye view of the city. Nothing within the walls can be more than 10m higher than the wall itself so walking the walls gives a great perspective. It’s 14km to loop the whole thing, Sophie and I decided against cycling and went for an amble instead. She has a chest infection and I have a small amount of dignity to maintain so we both thought walking was the best option. Had a chat with a very eager to please Lei Lei who was excited to have us as his first solo trip in 6 weeks of working for the dragon trip.

Miraculously the sun has decided to join us here, so we walked 6km or so and decided we had earned a frosty beer. Sat on the veranda of the Hostel and waited for the others.

Headed out to see the biggest light and water show in Asia at the Golden Pagoda in town. Had to navigate the bus system by ourselves….bit of a nightmare but meant we got to see some hidden bits of the city whilst we desperately searched for the mythical 609 bus stop!

 

Show was free and very impressive. Other entertainment highlights were jobsworth security guard who swore at a 5 year old and blew a whistle in his face for sitting on the ledge. Fuses also starting to spark amongst rest of group about true feelings towards the vomiter. Its all very drama drama. But makes for interesting viewing regardless.

 

Think beds in hostel must double up as concrete paving slabs on the day as I think idve slept better standing upright the shower than on that! So hard! Also helped by room being above nightclub kareoke night. Chinese woman murdering maroon 5 at 1am! Not sure if she was at a “payphone” or on her “way home”?!?!

Wednesday was unmissable visit to the see the Terracotta Warriors. As Xi’ans most famous landmark we were expecting a conveyor belt of tourists but was surprisingly quiet. Had a great morning marvelling at them all. Really is very fascinating. Watched the world’s most boring video which tried desperately to suck most of the enjoyment out of it!

Excavation is very manic and has resulted in lots being damaged and poor preservation techniques mean oxidisation has destroyed all the colour. Regardless it is striking to see so many thousands lined up in perfect rows, testament to what can be achieved when you forcibly imprison the entire population of a city to work slave labour for 40 years!!!

Got some time to top up the tans on the lawn outside the museum and headed back to the hostel for some free time and to stock up on toys for our visit to the Star Sun House Special needs school.  Particularly interesting for me given my current career thoughts. Strikingly different attitude to special needs and disability here means the majority of these children are abandoned at birth or shortly after their needs become apparent. Really is heartbreaking to see. Place was full of beautiful children who were full of fun and just wanted to play.

Had a really wonderful time. The poverty is very apparent and the lack of funding they receive is appalling, all the staff are selfless volunteers who care for the children all of whom live there. Really wished there was more we could’ve done than just bring bubbles, toys, draw pictures and dance with them for a couple hours. Majestic you realise how fortunate we are in the UK to have a far more open minded attitude towards children with complex needs.

Headed to the Muslim quarter for food and more tacky souvenir shopping. Celebrity status in full swing as always, locals fascinated by westerners who obviously don’t venture out in the towns very often. 5 people asked for pictures with me this time, so we are getting good at just playing along as everyone is very nice on the whole. Lovely to see the city lit up at nighttime, it is a really beautiful place – one of my favourites in China so far. #minimalcontest

Off to the mountains to become a kung-fu master for the next couple days, via stinky 6hrs coach obviously! So I’ll keep you updated on if I find my calling, Karate Kid stylee! Xx