My driver from Changi airport to the city was Lau, we listened to David Soul and The Osmonds for the entire journey. He had 1 car sticker on the whole cab, declaring his love for a specific brand of 3 ply tissues….it was weird!

First introduction to driving in Singapore and I can safely say is the closest I will ever come to being in a real life version of Mario Kart. Motorists seem unable to ever let their speed drop below 80mph instead weaving into free spaces and cutting across lanes at high speed. Looked out the window half expecting Bowser and Princess Peach to cut us up on the inside any minute!!! Clung to my St Christopher and longed for the hotel.

Met beloved chef, who was there to greet me with open arms as I pulled up despite her 13 odd hour journey. What a hero. Caught up on all the news and headed to swanky suite for much needed sleep. Great to have her in town for the next 10 days! Really lovely bonus compared to what would’ve been life on my larry.

Went to Botanical Gardens on day 1, classic Claire fell straight into stereotype of being an Asian babe yet again on the walk there, this time getting cat called by the security guards outside Interpol HQ….’Interpull’ more like!!! Did a lot of walking and a whole lot of sweating. The heat here is sticky and gross, much like my general appearance after 5 minutes of being outside. Spent the day being so shiny I think Claire could literally see her reflection in my forehead! (Andy P would’ve been so impressed Frances!!) #heightofglamour #cantunderstandwhyimsingle

Awesome evening trip to The Night Safari, which is essentially part of Singapore zoo which opens at nighttime. Badged as a fun filled attraction for all the family…actual verdict: absolutely terrifying! We decided to beat the queue for the tram tour round the park (#disneyveterans #notamateurs) and do the walking tours first and let the crazy queues die down. Would’ve been fine except we were literally the only people waking the trails….in pitch black…. on our own. Really felt at one with Alan Parish…much as i LOVE jumanji, I have no real desire to re-enact it.

Fair to say we are both still traumatised by a terrifying flying squirrel dive bomb attack and legitimately didn’t think we’d escape the swarm of bats! Cries of “I don’t like it….” from Claire followed by screams when we thought we saw an escaped animal run by our feet….on closer inspection it turned out to be a leaf, but it was touch and go for a while there!

We decided to man up and solider on in spite of terror and the fact that literally everything in the zoo was something which was trying to kill us. In all seriousness we saw loads of weird and wonderful animals which was fascinating. Got less confident as it got darker and creepier with indeterminate shrieking sounds from all angles. Decided to return to safety and take the tram ride when harrowing screach prompted Claire to actually say “oh god, do you think they have a dinosaur here”….!!! Was a really great evening out and a must do if you come to Singapore.

Had a chilled morning soaking up the suite life of our amazing hotel, so nice to have a stint in pure luxury before return to the real world of backpack wanker-dom. Headed out for touristy afternoon of sightseeing, bucketed it down and got drenched (again!) at The Gardens by the Bay at the Marina.

Persevered in raincoats and under Brollys, Singaporeans and others running for shelter, us and other English people pottering about the place quite happily. Rain no worse than you’d get every time you leave the house during an average July…bouncing off the pavement and making everything generally more miserable than necessary, slice of home whilst away!

 

We walked for AGES, took comedy pics with the iconic ‘Merlion’ at the Marina front and watched the sunset change over the skyline.

Feet burnimg from the inside, we headed to ‘Palm Beach on Sands’ famed Singaporean seafood hotspot to try Singapore’s national dish and finest delicacy, Chilli Crab. Told there would be over an hour wait for a table!! I could’ve cried…it’s a brave man who stands between a hungry woman and food!! I had no choice but to get all Bromley on him and protest we’d walked for hours and could he check the tables again….30 seconds later…a table on the coveted harbour front veranda for 2 miraculously appeared! #paystocomplain

The array of implements on the table to assist with shelling the Crab looked more like something out of the 50 shades trilogy!! But complete with glamorous bibs we were ready to tuck in….

 

About 4 seconds after it arrived we both realised we had no idea what we were doing!! No choice but to just muddle our way through, slowly but surely. Interesting to see other Asian diners were getting help with shelling their’s, so i can only imagine our attempt was so hilarious we were providing an involuntary “dinner and show” element for other diners and thus they revelled in letting us struggle! Whilst not a dish designed for hungry people who have been walking in the rain for hours, it was so so delicious. Easily one of the nicest meals I’ve had since I left home. And a perfect setting right on the Marina front to enjoy it in.

We rounded off our last day by reuniting the true ‘chef triumvirate’ by meeting up with Harriet! A bronzed vision in the Lobby we said our hellos, saw her ‘Henna foot’ from her week in India and headed out to a hilarious morning at Haw Par Villa.

Some of you may have read the recent article about this place, essentially a terrifying ‘theme park’ where Singaporean parents take their children to traumatise them into obeying rules. A series of hideous resin scenes depict specific fates for those who lie, don’t respect their elders and default on rent?!?!

 

After being scarred for life, we had a great afternoon wandering Clarke and Boat Quay, catching up on news and sweating profusely.

Ended our final afternoon with the pièce de résistance of tourist activities, a Singapore Sling at the world famous Raffles Hotel.

Yes it was touristy and we had to forfeit a kidney to cover the bill, but it was bloody delicious! Glamour slightly tarnished by lone pigeon wandering inside the bar, shades of being at the Pumpkin cafe at London bridge station…eating all the peanut shells which are traditionally just thrown on the floor. Harriet and I getting stuck right into making a mess, Claire cautiously sliding the shells onto the floor as if she was going to get in trouble (“i’m sorry, but this just doesn’t feel right”)! Standard!

Perfect few days in perfect company has been a great start to the Asian leg of the trip. Currently rinsing the free mini bar, watching crap asian TV and trying to distract ourselves from inevitable looming task of packing before heading to Malaysia in the morning! Xx