Did the free Sydney walking tour as provided by our hostel on Monday. Turned out to be a horrific four and a quarter hour slog during the hottest part of the day. Tour guide dug deep, trying to convince mostly English group that there was rich history and wonderful sights everywhere. But pretty much just saw the Opera House from 12 different angles “and an interesting fact about the underside of the guttering of the Opera House is…”

Day was saved by an evening trip to the 360 revolving bar at the top of the Sydney Tower with Amy and Lucy. $20 minimum spend, went up ordered one $21 cocktail, sat nursing it for an hour and a half #couldwebemorebritish

Tuesday, I met up with Ali again for an epic day doing the Bondai Beach to Coogee Beach coastal walk. A must do according to seasoned Sydney-ites.

Blinded some people by daring to sit my pasty self on the Bondai sand – parents sheilded their children from the ghost lady.

Estimate I sweat off around five stone from the three hour walk, 32 degree heat, punishing doesn’t even cover it. Ali was delightful company, not sure same could be said for me near the end! Lots of lovely beaches and a big graveyard half way round (presumably where they leave the bodies of those who don’t make it!!!!)

Well earned frosty beer at the finish line, thanks for your patience and for a wonderful day Ridley! Took away a distinctly attractive horrendous forehead burn as a momento! I’m burning THROUGH several layers of Factor 50, pray for me!

Went into Circular Quay to see if I could get a last minute cheap single ticket to see Simply Red who were playing at the Opera House outdoor theater. Told they were still  £93 each (ridiculous!!!), so decided not to bother. Wandered along the other side of the netted fenced off area and found a public bench approximately 10 feet away from the expensive seats….heard and saw the entire gig for free whilst watching the sunset over the harbour (As my Dad would say, “nice one centurion”) Great gig and all the sweeter when you beat the system, in your face Hucknall, you little ginger daylight robber!

Met Sarah again on Wednesday for a trip to hipsterville. ‘Newtown’ is like Oz’s answer to Shoreditch, but with more tanned bearded men in wifebeaters and less shitty kebab shops. Also bumped into Duncan’s mate Dom from Reading at the train station!! Small world!

Awesome eggs benedict brunch at Brewtown (see what they did there!!) pièce de résistance being when the waiter said the greatest sentence I have ever heard a person say “can i get some breakfast desert for you ladies?!” Surely only ever one answer to that question!?! Cue the stuffing of faces with belgin waffles! They know how to do breakfast here!

Griffiths treated me to the best manicure ever, complete with a rainbow nail and hand painted hello kitty thumb! Drank some more gin, walked 23,500 steps in sweltering sun, standard day here!

Dinner at “Grilld” in Darling Harbour, just for you Harri, since you have referenced it every time anyone has said the word “burger” for the last four years! You speak the truth mate, it was beyond delicious!

Back at the hostel, went for some drinks and talked into going dancing. So, like a weird old uncle at a wedding, i went to throw some shapes at Side Bar (Sydney’s premier nightspot)…it was a shithole, makes Infernos look like The Ritz! Alas Gaz from Geordie Shore is there next Wednesday so I will miss him… heartbroken doesn’t really cover it! Managed to bring the average age up by 10 years and witnessed some seriously european dancing, so figured it was a success – left before the bikini competition started…wouldn’t have been fair on the other contestants for me to enter #obviouswinner.

Said our goodbyes to lovely Lucy who is off to explore the east coast, (good luck beautiful lady!).

In joyous news the “one with the cough” has moved out! To be replaced by “The rattler”….who I think isn’t travelling at all but just has a bag full of castanets and maracas which she plays in the night at bizarre intervals to disturb roommates! Hostel life trundles on….

xxx